Laff-A-Lympics: Oz & Kansas
by Count Mallet
Summary: Two-shot. The Laff-A-Lympic teams led by Yogi Bear, Scooby Doo, and Dread Baron include a team of Oz characters in their latest competition. Which team will take home the gold medal? And, what prize—if anything—awaits the last place team? No objectionable content, unless one dislikes puns and campy humor. [S38-F30-M14-X3]
1. Oz Competitions

**Author's Foreword**

Recently, I've rediscovered this Olympic-themed series on Youtube. I thought it might be interesting to write a crossover where the Laff-A-Lympic teams competed with another team, or two, from a different franchise. Naturally, with these events taking place in Oz and Kansas, it would make sense that some of L. Frank Baum's characters would form a team and join in on the fun. This story will be similar to my previous fic, _Star Wars: The Competition Wars_.

In order to avoid any bias for or against a particular team, I randomly select the order of finish before each event. This means I have no idea who is going to win each event – or the overall competition – in advance. This also makes it fun to come up with a believable narrative that ends with the selected outcome. This way, the Scooby Doobies won't be winning 60% of the time as they did during the show's original run.

In lieu of having to constantly include direct quotes from the show's unnamed narrator, I will use an italicized third person point of view for his play-by-play and commentary.

* * *

><p><em>Greetings, sports fans. It's time for an unusual edition of the All-star Laff-A-Lympics. Our first exciting events will take place in the elegant Emerald City in the Land of Oz. From there, we return closer to home to Wichita, Kansas for our fabulous final events. With four teams competing today: the Yogi Yahooeys, the Scooby Doobies, the Really Rottens, and the Awesome Ozites, the competition will be out of this world as our teams compete for the coveted Laff-A-Lympics Gold Medal.<em>

_Now, let's go to our reporters, Snagglepuss and Mildew Wolf, as they get ready for our first event._

"Hello, everybody. Greetings and salutations, even. Snagglepuss here at our first event: the Yellow Brick Road Rally. Each team will have three members run from our starting line here in Munchkin Country to the finish line at the gates of the Emerald City."

"Representing the Yogis will be a rather bearable combination: Yogi, Boo Boo, and Cindy Bear. Yogi, do you really think you can win?"

"Hey, hey, hey, Snag. We're definitely faster than the average bear."

"Well said. And representing the Scoobies, we have Scooby Doo, Scooby Dum, and Dynomutt."

"Hey, that's me!" Dynomutt exclaimed.

"Thanks for stating the obvious, dog blunder," the Blue Falcon added from the spectator area."

"Scooby, do you think you can take first place in our first event?"Snagglepuss asked.

"Yeah!" Scooby replied.

"That question was dumb dumb dumb dumb," Scooby Dum added.

"For the Really Rottens we have Mumbly, Dread Baron, and the Great Fondoo," Snagglepuss told the audience.

Mumbly snickered upon hearing his name mentioned.

"I couldn't have said it any better myself. And for the home team of sorts, we have the Tin Man, the Shaggy Man, and the Wizard of Oz himself. So tell me, do you really think you guys have a chance?"

"I know in my heart we have the mettle for it. Get it?" The Tin Man asked.

Snagglepuss rolled his eyes. "Mildew, explain the scoring for everybody," he stated.

"Thanks, Snag. Just like our normal games, first place is 25 points. Second place is 15 points, and third is 10 points. With a fourth team in today's games, the judges decided to award six points to the team in last place. And don't forget: we deduct a minimum of ten points for illegal cheating."

The Really Rottens, upon hearing about the cheating penalty, rained a number of catcalls down on Mildew. Before he could come up with a witty retort, however, the sharp sound of a flugelhorn derailed his train of thought.

"There's the starting signal, everybody, good luck!" Snagglepuss called out.

_And our first set of racers is making tracks. The Tin Man has the early lead and looks to cut down the rest of his competition._

"Just wait until he passes under this tree, right, darling?" Mrs. Creepley asked her husband from the branch of a tall tree.

"That's right, my dear. Once we dump this bucket of water on that bucket head, he'll rust in place – last place," Mr. Creepley replied with an evil giggle.

_As our racers approach the first exchange point, the Tin Man is still in the lead, followed by Scooby Doo with Mumbly and Yogi neck and neck in the back. What's this – a leaking tree?_

"It's certainly not a weeping willow," Dread Baron deadpanned.

As the Tin Man ran under the tree, he realized the water would quickly rust him, especially because he didn't have his oil can. Sure enough, he slowed down and struggled just to take small steps.

"I guess I should have stretched more to avoid these stiff joints," he stated as he froze a step and a half away from the exchange point. Unable to tag the Shaggy man, they couldn't continue.

_With the Tin Man doing his best impression of a statue, Scooby Doo has tagged Scooby Dum, who takes over the lead. Yogi and Mumbly have just tagged Boo Boo and Dread Baron respectively to keep the race close._

"Dum dum dum dum," Scooby Dum called out, to the first four notes of Beethoven's Fifth. Behind him, Boo Boo and Dread Baron closed the gap.

Back at the exchange point, a soft breeze started to blow. With an idea for a last-ditch attempt at getting back into the race, the Tin Man did his best to lean forward. Sure enough the wind blew and pushed him into the Shaggy Man. The latter ran as fast as he could to try to catch up to the others.

_As we reach the final exchange, The Rottens, Scoobys, and Yogis are in a dead heat with the Shaggy Man frantically trying to catch up._

Scooby Dum, in his attempt to tag Dynomutt, tripped and knocked his teammate off his feet.

"I know ties are a good thing, but we're not supposed to be tied with each other," Dynomutt told Scooby Dum as the former tried to untangle his mechanical limbs.

"Now he tells me," Sooby Dum replied.

_After the latest mishap, the Really Rottens are now in the lead. Cindy is a close second with the Wizard of Oz trying to catch up while Dynomutt tries to get back on his feet – err, paws._

Suddenly, Cindy hobbled off to the side after she accidentally stepped on a small rock. Now, the race was down to the Great Fondoo, the Wizard, and Dynomutt.

"I shall stop the Wizard with a blizzard," Fondoo stated. As he ran, he gestured his hands and said, "Abracadabra, abraca-gizzard, stop the wizard with a sudden blizzard."

After a loud explosion and a puff of smoke, the Wizard found himself buried in thee feet [0.91 m] of snow. Dynomutt did his best to catch up to Fondoo, but to no avail. By this time, Cindy recovered enough to run towards the finish line and pass the Wizard, who did his best to dig himself out of the snow.

_And at the finish line, we have the Really Rottens in first place, followed by Dynomutt for the Scooby Doobies, Cindy for the Yogis, and the Wizard bringing up the rear._

"I knew the Wizard was pretty flaky," Dread Baron told everyone as the rest of the Rottens cheered and Mumbly snickered.

"I may be a humbug, but the Great Fondoo's magic was very cheesy," the Wizard retorted.

"Brack!" the Magic Rabbit exclaimed.

_The Rottens get 25 points for their finish. The Scoobies get 15 and the Yogis get 10. The host Ozites get 6 points for last place._

* * *

><p>"I'm now here at Lake Quad where it meets with the Winkie River for our next event – Winkie water polo." Mildew Wolf told the audience.<p>

All four teams cheered loudly.

"For the Yogis, we have Wally Gator."

Wally chuckled as he replied, "Thanks, Mildew. I'm a water creature, you know, so I should be a natural at this."

"For the Scoobies, we have the Blue Falcon."

"Win or lose, you can be sure our team will have the best sportsmanship in this event," the Blue Falcon promised.

"If that doesn't make you want to find a cape and be a super hero, nothing will. For the Rottens, we have Orful Octopus."

Orful made a number of intelligible gurgling noises, but Mr. Creepley translated them for Mildew.

"Orful says with eight legs, he's got twice the chance of winning this event."

"That remains to be seen, Creepley," Mildew answered. He then looked around. "Are my eyes deceiving me, or do the Ozites have no contestant?"

A short distance away, Ozma was frantic to find someone to participate in the event. Everyone she asked so far declined.

"I'd do it, but I have a sinking feeling I'm not the best person for this," the Scarecrow told her.

"And my swimming skills are a bit rusty," the Tin Man replied.

"I'll do it," a voice finally called out. Everyone turned to see Dorothy in a one-piece swimsuit that looked like something from the early 20th century. The striped garment covered her from her ankles to her middle arms.

"Dorothy, do you really think you have a chance?" Mildew asked her.

"Of course. If I can survive a tornado, a storm in a chicken coop, and swim to safety, I can play a game in the water," she assured him.

"Snag, explain the rules for our viewing audience."

"I will, Mildew. Yes I will. We will have two teams play each other, tournament style. The winners will play for first place and the losers will play for third. Each team gets one shot on goal. In the event of a tie, the next goal wins. Standard rules apply, so no cheating, even."

Once again, the Rottens rained boos and catcalls towards Snagglepuss.

"Quiet you savages!" Mildew told the Rottens.

_Our first game features the Rottens and the Scoobies. The Blue Falcon will go first, followed by Orful Octopus._

"Go, B.F., you can do it," Dynomutt called out.

Orful took his position defending the goal. As the Blue Falcon took the ball and prepared to shoot, Orful spun his outstretched tentacles around like a fan, making it nearly impossible to score a goal against him. Needless to say, Blue Falcon's shot was easily deflected away.

The only chance for the Scoobies was if Blue Falcon could stop Orful and continue the shootout. Orful once again used his spinning tentacles to make it difficult to see which ones held the ball. Without realizing what happened until it was too late, the Blue Falcon noticed the ball inside the net.

_And with the only goal, Orful advances to the finals for the Rottens._

"Good job, Orful, you beat me fair and square," The Blue Falcon said.

_Our second qualifying game features the Ozites and the Yogis. Wally has the first shot._

As Dorothy got into position at the net, Wally scooped up the ball and pondered his options. As he prepared to throw the ball, it slipped out of his hands, rolled down his back and tail, and towards the net. Dorothy, thinking the shot was a sure miss, didn't react until the ball sailed past her into the net.

_Wally scores a goal for the Yogis. Dorothy will have to score here, or the hosts will settle for the consolation game._

Dorothy did her best to ignore the pressure of the situation. She stared at Wally and quickly threw the ball. It appeared as if her aim was too high, but it hit the crossbar and entered the net. Now, the next person to score would win.

Wally was determined to score in a more conventional way this time. Unfortunately, his ball hit the water in front of Dorothy. She put her hands up and knocked it safely away from the goal. She now had one more chance to win the game.

Dorothy took the ball in her right hand and then moved it to her left hand. Wally, anticipating a shot, dived to that side. Dorothy then aimed for the opposite corner now that it was open and scored the winning goal.

_Our winning teams, the Rottens and the Ozites will play again in a moment. But first, we will play our consolation game between the Scoobies and the Yogis._

The Blue Falcon prepared to take his shot. Wally leaped up into the air to try to knock it away. Everyone looked at the net to see what landed inside. However, it was only Wally's hat, which was knocked off from the combination of Wally's leap and the impact of the ball.

Wally now had a chance to win the consolation game. He stalked his opponent in the water and aimed for the lower left corner. The Blue Falcon dived frantically, but he was a fraction too late. The ball entered the net.

_With the Yogis taking third place, we now move on to our championship game between the Ozites and the Rottens._

As Orful took his spot in front of the goal and spun his tentacles, Dorothy's intimidation grew. She didn't see how she could succeed, but she knew her teammates depended on her to try. Still, Orful easily deflected her throw back at her.

Dorothy, however remained determined. If she could stop Orful's shot, she'd have another chance to win. Orful wound up for shot, but it looked as if he might shoot the ball too high.

_It appears Orful's shot is over the goalpost... wait, somehow he coaxed it into the net for the winning goal. How did he do that?_

"Let's check the instant replay, shall we?" Mildew suggested.

"We will indeed, indeed we will," Snagglepuss replied. "Activate the anti-cheat replay detector."

_As we watch Orful take his shot, it appears to be going above the crossbar when the goal suddenly raises … from Dread Baron lifting it with a helicopter's winch._

The Rottens booed upon discovery of their cheat.

"For using despicable underhanded trickery, the Rottens are disqualified and everyone else moves up a position," Mildew told everyone.

_The Ozites take first place after the adjusted results and now have 31 points. The Yogis' 15 point finish moved them up to 25. The Scoobys 10 points move them up to 25 points. And the Rottens get no points for their disqualification and lose 10 points to drop into dead last with 15 points._

"That wraps up the first half of our events. But stick around for the second half, everyone. It's going to interesting – fun even" Snagglepuss said.

"I can hardly wait," Mildew replied.

"We're going home. We're going home," Dorothy exclaimed happily.

The Magic Rabbit gave an unimpressed, "Brack!"

_Stay tuned for our Kansas conclusion in the second half of the Laff-a-Lympics._ ▄

* * *

><p><strong>Scoreboard: <strong>Awesome Ozites 31, Yogi Yahooeys 25, Scooby Doobies 25, Really Rottens 15.


	2. Kansas Competitions

_Welcome back to the second half of our Laff-A-Lympics competition live from wonderful Wichita, Kansas. We have two events that will really blow away the competition: our terrific taffy pull and the ever-popular power walking. _

_When we completed our events in Oz, the host Ozites had the lead with 31 points. The Yogi Yahooeys and the Scooby Doobies tied for second with 25 points, and the Really Rottens had 15 points._

_Let's return you to our commentators, Snagglepuss and Mildew._

"Welcome from wondrous Wichita. Good day, even. We're here with our next event, the Twister Taffy Pull," Snagglepuss said.

"Teams will be judged solely by the length of the taffy they pull out of the machine, the Finbord Taffymatic 3000. And to ensure our savages remain civil, we're doing something new with this event," Mildew told everyone.

"That's right. In order to promote better sportsmanship, all teams that show good sportsmanship will split a 25-point bonus as evenly as possible. Any cheaters will split a 25 point penalty."

"Why are you looking at us? We need those bonus points," Dread Baron replied.

"Let's meet our contestants for this elastic event. For the Scooby Doobies we have that top teen angel, Taffy Dare. Taffy, do you think you're ready?"

"Of course I am, Snagglepuss. This event has my name written all over it," she replied.

"Chuckle, chuckle. For the Yogis, we have Quick Draw McGraw. Any words for our viewers?"

"I'm the fastest taffy puller in the west or my name isn't Quickdraw McGraw."

"Right, Mildew, who are our other contestants?"

"Over here, I have Glinda the Good for the Ozites. Do you think you can win this event and keep your lead?"

"That remains to be seen as I had to leave my magic book behind. But, win or lose, I hope I can earn the bonus points you promised for good sportsmanship."

"And last – and perhaps least – Dastardly Dalton will compete for the Rottens."

"I know what you're thinking. I may be small, but I can use that to my advantage and stretch my way to victory."

"That would be an improvement over stretching the truth. Now, lets continue with the event."

_Our first contestant is Quick Draw McGraw, Look at him twist that taffy._

"Help!" Quick Draw shouted as he continued to spin out of control as the spinning platform sped up. Suddenly, the taffy snapped and wrapped itself around him.

_After untangling Quick Draw from his sticky situation, he pulled a length of 41½ inches [1.054 m]. Next up is Taffy Dare for the Scooby Doobies._

Taffy stepped onto the platform and reached over to the outlet where the taffy would come out. As soon as she pulled a small amount out, the machine turned on and started to spin her around.

"Hey this is fun!" she exclaimed.

The rest of her teammates cheered as the platform spun faster until the taffy snapped from the machine. Her piece measured 36¾ inches [0.933 m].

_Our next contestant is Glinda the Good for the Ozites._

Mildew, noticing Dinky and Dirty Dalton prowling around the machine, intervened.

"Hey you two savages, what trouble are you up to?" he asked.

"Trouble? Who's causing trouble?" Dinky asked in reply.

"You're gonna sabotage the machine so you have a better chance of winning, don't deny it."

"You got us all wrong, Mildred. We're protecting the machine so nobody else cheats. We want those bonus points. Right, Dink?" Dirty Dalton stated.

"That's right, little brother," Dinky answered.

Mildew sighed. "We'll see about that. Just remember, you're being watched."

Satisfied that everything was in order, Snagglepuss had Glinda start her pull. Although she started out well, the faster speed proved to be too much for her. However, she felt she might be close to the top score so far.

_Glinda's taffy pull measures 41¼ inches [1.048 m]. Incredible – she was just five-sixteenths of an inch [8 mm] away from taking over first place. Our last contestant is Dastardly Dalton for the Rottens._

Dastardly hopped onto the platform and leaped up to yank on the taffy. Despite his skills with a lasso, the spinning platform proved to be too much for him and his short stature. He dizzily fell off the platform as the taffy gave a loud snap and smacked him in the face.

"With a pull of 33 inches [0.838 m], that means the Yogis take first place. But before we update the scoreboard, let's meet our guest judge, that futuristic father, George Jetson," Snagglepuss stated.

"Thanks, Snagglepuss. It's great to be here. I've monitored the event with the Spacely Space Scanner, and I'm pleased to say all teams showed good sportsmanship."

All four teams cheered at the announcement.

"Therefore, I recommend that all teams get six additional points, except for the Yogis, who earn the seventh point for winning."

"Thanks, George, Thank you, indeed. Let's take a look at the updated scoreboard," Snagglepuss said.

_The Yogis get a total of 32 points to take first place with 57. The Ozites 21 points moves them into second with 46. The Scooby Doobies 16 points move them to 41, and the Rottens remain in last place with 27._

"Don't worry everybody, our last event will have double points awarded for all positions. So, anybody can win. But that also means double penalties for cheating, too," Mildew announced.

"Brack!" the Magic Rabbit replied.

* * *

><p><em>Our last event, for a fifty-point first place finish, takes place in downtown Wichita. Let's join Mildew and Snagglepuss as they prepare for the whirlwind power walking.<em>

"Welcome back, everybody. Our last event features teams of two as they power-walk their way through the scintillating city of Wichita. For the Yogis, we have Grape Ape and Yakky Doodle," Snagglepuss said.

The remaining members of the Yogis cheered their teammates.

"For the Scooby Doobies, we have Shaggy and Captain Caveman."

"I'm good at fast walking. Hiding from monsters makes good practice," Shaggy replied.

Captain Caveman responded with a couple of unintelligible grunts.

"For the Rottens, we have Daisy Mayhem and her pet pig, Sooey," Snagglepuss informed the audience.

"Yahoo! I should win this race because I'm used to living in farm country, right Sooey?" Daisy asked.

Sooey offered a few oinks and grunts of his own.

_And finally, for the Ozites, we have our favorite farmers, Aunt Em and Uncle Henry._

"So tell me, how do you think you'll do? You're two of the older competitors here today," Snagglepuss asked.

"Oh, pshaw! This is the perfect event for us. Henry and I power walk through Ozma's castle every morning to keep the circulation going. Right, Henry?" Aunt Em answered.

"Eh?" Henry replied.

"You gotta forgive him, he can't hear without his hearing aids. But don't worry about us, you young whippersnapper. We'll do just fine today."

"If you insist," Snagglepuss replied.

At the sound of a bugle, everyone took off from the starting line. Yakky Doodle did his best to keep up with Grape Ape's giant strides. Shaggy and Captain Caveman did their best to walk as fast as they could within the rules. Both pairs still lagged behind Aunt Em and Uncle Henry, who took the early lead.

The Rottens, however, had yet to start. All of a sudden, though, they started to move as if they were gliding down the sidewalk.

_What's this, the Rottens are using a moving walkway? That can't be legal?_

"See what he knows, Sooey, we both have at least one foot on the ground at all times. So we're not cheating," Daisy said.

Sooey oinked in agreement.

"But now, we have to get them to catch up and pass the rest of those goody-goods," Dread Baron stated. He pulled out a small remote control to increase the walkway's speed.

Sooey oinked frantically as he tried to keep from falling off the faster-moving walkway.

"Don't worry, Sooey, we'll do it, if I don't get blisters first," Daisy replied.

_And as we reach the halfway point, the Ozites have the lead ... but the Rottens overtake them in a cloud of dust! Behind them, the Yogis have a slight edge over the Scooby Doobies for third place._

Aunt Em, seeing the Rottens pass them with their cheating, grew furious.

"C'mon, Henry, we're not gonna let some barefoot hillbilly and her pudgy pig out-walk us. Get the lead out!," she told him.

"Eh?" he asked.

"I bet if I said we'd get a million dollars, you'd hear me?"

"A million dollars, where?" Uncle Henry asked as he walked a bit faster.

"Henry Gale, if I didn't know better, I'd say you had selective hearing."

Despite the couple's best effort, they were no match for the Rottens' latest trick. However, the real race was behind them as the Yogis started to pull away.

"We gotta do something, Captain Caveman. There's no way we can run as fast as a 40-foot tall ape," Shaggy said.

"No worries, me fix," Captain Caveman replied before he pulled his club out of his fur and he shouted his name.

A small propeller came out from the tip of his club and started spinning. Before long, Shaggy and Captain Caveman passed Grape Ape and Yakky Doodle. They caught up to Aunt Em and Uncle Henry when the propeller abruptly sputtered.

"Uh oh, bad time for energy shortage," Captain Caveman said.

"Never mind that, let's keep going so we don't lose to the Yogis," Shaggy replied.

_As we reach the finish line, Daisy Mayhem and Sooey Pig have crossed the finish line first for the Rottens. Aunt Em and Uncle Henry cross next for the Ozites. And, in what might be the upset of the day, Shaggy and Captain Caveman finish barely ahead of the Yogis. This ought to make the final scores more interesting._

"Hold it. With so many points on the line, we have to run the replay. Let's make sure the Scoobys finished ahead of the Yogis. While we're at it, let's look for any cheats," Mildew stated.

_Starting at the beginning, we see the Rottens not only used an illegal moving walkway, Dread Baron set it to a speed faster than allowed for power walking._

The rest of the Rottens booed to have yet another scheme caught and presumably penalized.

_And as we fast forward to the finish, we confirm that the Scooby Doobies finish a fraction of a second ahead of the Yogis._

"This means those rotten savages will be awarded last place and penalized twice while the Ozites take first place."

Dorothy ran up to her aunt and uncle and gave them a congratulatory hug.

_Our final results are as follows: The Ozites' 50 points for first gives them 96. The Scooby Doobies with their 30 points for second finish with 71. The Yogi Yahooeys and their 20 points for third gives them 77. The Rottens, while receiving 12 points for last place, also receive a 40 point penalty for their cheats. With a net subtraction of 28 points, they finish dead last with minus one point._

"Razzin frazzin kazzin negative one blazzin," Mumbly muttered in disgust.

The teams then assembled for the medal presentation. Ozma, as captain of the winning team, received the Laff-A-Lympic gold medal to wear around her neck. Huckleberry Hound proudly showed off the Yogi Yahooeys' silver medal. Babu received the Scooby Doobies' bronze medal.

"Don't we get something?" Dread Baron asked.

"Indeed you do, yes indeed," Snagglepuss replied. He then handed Dread a wooden spoon.

"This isn't a medal!"

"No, but it goes to the team in last place. You more than earned it, deserved it even."

"Drat, drat, and double drat!" Dread Baron cursed.

"Thanks for coming, everybody, and I hope we see you again soon," Mildew told everyone. ▄

END

* * *

><p><strong>Final Scoreboard:<strong> Awesome Ozites 96, Yogi Yahooeys 77, Scooby Doobies 71, Really Rottens, -1.

* * *

><p><strong>Commentary:<strong> This was a fun story to write. The random selection before each event definitely made the overall results interesting and it kept the suspense until the final event. I'll admit I didn't like the actual episodes where we knew who was going to win before the final event even took place, along with the episodes where only the winner of the final event received points even if second or third place were still being contested.

Although this was a crossover, I've brainstormed the idea of writing additional episodes of Laff-A-Lympics without other teams to make up for the fact the second season only had eight episodes. I'm not sure how many new episodes I'll write; that depends on readership. Still, I hope to come up with both events and venues not seen before in the previous 24 episodes.


End file.
